This is from July 16, 2018. I thought I had written this up in my blog (here) but had actually published it elsewhere. It took some dedicated searching to find it as I clearly remembered writing the event up but could not remember where I posted it. Having found it, here it is;
Naked people give nudists a bad name!
At about 9 this evening we heard loud screaming coming from out front. With my Monday night bowl of cantaloupe pieces in hand I went out front to investigate. Just outside the front door Mrs. Brown ran up to me from her house and babbled something about a naked young man on her front porch.
Why was he on her front porch?
Because he’d been pounding on her back door and she wouldn’t let him in.
A few more neighbors gathered as the naked young man walked toward us in the glow of the street light. One could not help but notice that he appeared to be a particularly fine specimen of a young adult male. Near 6 feet tall and maybe 170 pounds he was trim, muscular, nearly hairless, and very well “built.” He was loud and abusive as he approached and was waving his arms and shaking...various parts...I told him to back away but he didn’t. He approached me talking loud nonsense but I did not retreat. I sat my bowl of cantaloupe on the brick mailbox enclosure but palmed the fork in case I needed a sharp surprise.
After I was assured 9-1-1 had been called I engaged him in small talk to keep him busy until the police 👮 could arrive. He told me his name was Elliott and he was 19. I asked about medication and he said no. I asked about self medication and he said well yes, obviously. For 45 minutes I held his attention and engaged him briefly between his demonstrations of physical prowess that could have passed for modern interpretive dance or simulated sex with asphalt. Or both. Now that I think of it, wouldn’t simulated sex with asphalt make a grand name for a punk band?
Finally an officer arrived and cuffed Elliott. It took a second officer on scene to convince him to cooperate and get into a cruiser. At that point he told the officers that he had been receiving treatment at a hospital about a mile away and had simply walked out leaving his hospital robe behind.
As the cars pulled away my eldest son FINALLY showed up with the popcorn. I hope Elliott gets good and effective treatment—he needs it.
Points scored: after the fact I told the wife, “See, there was nothing sexy about that nudity.” She agreed.
